1 father + 1 mother = 1 family with one idea about discipline, education, and future

1 divorced father + 1 divorced mother = 2 families with possible differences in discipline, education, and future

After the divorce – Co-parenting

A very popular word, co-parenting. There are many definitions for this term. Most of them emphasize suggesting that divorced/separated partners will share the responsibility of raising a child that equally belongs to both. In theory, this may sound excellent for the child and the ex-partners. However, do not forget that the parents have divorced/separated because they have significant disagreements and among those disagreements, we may find ideas about raising a child. Asking the ex-partners to try and agree upon what is beneficial for the child may be too late because they are already divorced. They are already divorced because they did not find any other resolution to their disagreements. To expect them to find commonality in their expectations for the future of the child is more wishful thinking than a reality to achieve. Both love the child; both want the best for the child. This does not mean that they have the same ideas. Both want religious education, but one likes catholic schools and the other prefers another religion. Is any one of them more right than the other? One parent loves the outdoors and sports, while the other loves museums and scientific explorations. Which one is wrong?

When the parents decide to divorce/separate, they are ending one family and creating two families. In one family we try to find a consensus about different situations to make decisions together. When we create two families, we fight for what we believe is best for the child and often, the reasons for the divorce come out one more time. What one parent believes is best, the other does not. No one is wrong, and this is the real test of the parents’ love for the child. If we cannot reach an agreement, lets’ try one of these two alternatives.

- I disagree with my ex-partner’s solution, but I recognize it is in the best interest of the child.

- I will keep trying my way and I hope that my ex-partner keeps having the well-being of our child in mind.

Winning is not the goal

Orlando